Chemo.
The word is potent, powerful and conjures up a lot of emotion. Reflection, worry, fear, resolve, acceptance.
How does someone wrap their brain around this? Thinking to myself, "I will be subject to poisonous chemicals injected into my body in order to kill any possible cancer cells." Actually, my first thought was, "Shit! My hair!" Then I thought all the poisonous chemical stuff.
I don't know when this will start - sometime after June 3, when I see the oncologist. Next week I am going to San Diego for my son's girlfriend's college graduation and Navy Commissioning ceremony. I will be present for my family and my friends and will not obsess about the future.
I get to be very present with this. I will be given the gift of living in acceptance of whatever comes. The only thing I have any control of here is my attitude.
Blessed be! Life is good.
It is now After, the time distinguished from Before, the time where, once again, I am recovering from surgery. The myth of the Amazons is that they removed the right breast in order to be better archers and warriors. I am an Amazon on the left, with, hopefully, an improved golf swing.
I am at home and am surrounded by angels - earthly angels in the form of friends who come to sit, cook, clean and just be; my protector angel, Tracy, who keeps away the fearful thoughts, advocates for me and stays right beside me at all times, making me laugh and letting me cry; my etheric angels who are busily healing and mending body, mind and spirit; and my furry dog angels who make me get up periodically to let them in (or out) and sleep with me and make me laugh.
An Amazon and her angels....pretty potent energy, eh?
Blessed be! Life is good.
As I was meditating in the tub tonight, surrounded by angels, I got a very clear message: The healing is the healing. It's no more complicated than that. Even if I cannot see it in the physical realm, the healing is still the healing.
Tracy just commented, "It seems you've been given the ultimate opportunity to not be attached to the outcome."
Hmmmmmm.
It's been quiet around here....almost too quiet. I've been working on other things the past few weeks, healing myself.
You see, a few weeks ago I had some medical tests and was told a diagnosis, a scary one, one I heard 22 years ago. Again. This diagnosis requires surgery, which is scheduled for next week. After that, who knows.
However, I do not believe I will have surgery. Because, you see, the healing has already occurred.
I have been spending the past weeks working hard to heal myself. My diet has become more pristine, more alkaline. Rice and vegetables, umeboshi plums, kombucha. I have received energy work from some amazing people that are right here in my community.
The most amazing healing has been with a woman in Mt. Shasta, however, who does Interdimensional Healing. We spent an hour on the phone Thursday night and cleared major blockages - a huge boulder where I have stuffed things for my entire life - other people's pain, stuff not my own that I have taken on because I am strong. There was a huge well of disappointment and sadness in my heart chakra, more blocks in the first and second chakras.
We visited the realm where contracts can be cancelled and I cancelled my agreement to take on everyone's pain.
This amazing woman, Nell, who facilitated this session, can be found at Interdimensional Healing. She is the real deal, a powerful facilitator of healing. I will do more work with her.
One of the things that has been coming up over and over (and did again the other night) is that I simply cannot do the work I have been doing for the last 20 years any longer. It is blocking the light of my true essence. I do have to make some changes. My life cannot continue in the way it has.
My gratitude practice in all of this is to thank Spirit each day that the healing has already occurred. I am very careful about how I talk about this. I do not claim it in any way as "mine" or part of me. I do not "have" this, I simply was told of a diagnosis.
I meet the surgeon again Monday and will request more tests because, as I said, the healing has already occurred. I do claim the healing and perfection of my being. That is my birthright and my joy. No matter what, the healing has already occurred.
Blessed be! Life is good.
